Friends in Recovery
(a buddy system)
Below, you'll find short biographies, so that it may
be a little easier making the choice of a recovery buddy. We are
all "safe", and have been in recovery for a substantial amount of time,
and are through the "worst of it". After reading the biographies,
choose one or more survivors, click on the link
and specify the survivor's name in the subject line.
|My name is Ken,
I am a survivor of childhood emotional, physical,
sexual, and spiritual abuse. My mother was the most violent one in
our family, and because she had issues with her brother that she had never
resolved, I became the family scapegoat. Because she felt inadequate
and defective, she took every opportunity to make me feel that way, so
that she could feel powerful and righteous. She was a rage-aholic,
so the violence and extreme shaming were an everyday occurrence.
I ended up feeling weak, wrong, terrified, ashamed, self conscious, hyper
vigilant, disgusting, empty, hopeless. I was allowed no boundaries.
I had no sense of the space my body occupied. I felt awkward, as
if I had no control of my body. I became numb. I believed I
was unloving, and unlovable.
My father either stayed distant (most of the
time) or explosive (I never knew when it was comin'). He modeled
being self conscious, socially inept, alcoholic violent/withdrawn.
When I was 14, I was molested by a pedophile,
who spent nearly 2 years setting it up so that my parents trusted him enough
to take a bunch of us to the 1964 New York World's Fair. While we
were there, he tried to drug us, (but I didn't take the pill).
I grew up in the country, in Pennsylvania,
and that helped me survive. I live almost in the wilderness now;
that feeds me, and inspires me now. I had a grandfather who gave
me paperback books when he came to visit, and that helped me survive. Now
I love to read, and learn, and both are important to me . I had an
aunt and an uncle who told me I was special, and had a gallon of clams
in their refrig, especially for me each time we came to visit. Up
here in Maine, I dug clams for a living for over 10 years, and I eat them
whenever I want.
As an adult, I became alcoholic and drug addicted.
I have been clean and sober for over 11 years. Quit cigarettes 6
years ago. Had my first child abuse flashback 2 weeks after I stopped
drinking and drugging.
I have 2 sons, 18 and 14..Shawn and Francis
respectively. And I am a good father, (I have raised them on my own).
I would be glad, and honored, to correspond
with fellow survivors during their recovery journey!
|My Name is Susan,
I am a childhood
sexual abuse survivor. My abuse was repressed until 4 years ago.
While reading a newspaper article about a priest-abuser, I suddenly remembered
my own molestation. I was horrified! I felt as if my abuse
had JUST occured. The flash-
backs I started having were so real...like being abused in real time.
With my remembering
also came an understanding of why I was the way I had been my whole
life. I knew why I had always been so withdrawn, so shy, so
very afraid of men. I knew why I was always depressed, why I had
tried suicide twice
before I was 16. I knew why I hated myself!
started going to therapy. I was not able to cope with all the
fears, thoughts and feelings that were flooding me.
While in therapy,
I came to realize that having lived with an alcoholic father had taken
its toll on my childhood too. I had been witness to,
and the recipient of much violence.
I am the mother
of two wonderful adult children...I even have a precious grandson.
I would love
to correspond with you for mutual support and encouragement!Contact
|My name is Joe
I am a..soon to be 40 year old Incest survivor. I am a first time full-time
college student who just made the Honor Roll. I am a volunteer victim advocate
for the local Child Victim Task Force. I am an emergency crisis counselor
for the local Rape Victim Services. I am a christian. I am a father, a
son, a brother, an uncle, a friend, and I am gay. Why do I tell you all
of this? Because each little part of who I am goes together to make me
the man that I am! We, as survivors can not be labeled as "just survivors",
we are so much more!! The abuse that we suffered as children does not mean
that we must continue to be victims! We are strong, we are capable, we
are loving, and we are loveable! When did I discover all of this? Parts
of it I have known forever, other pieces of it have come to me gradually
over many years. I did not always know that I was loveable, I used to feel
that I was only good for the sexual pleasure of others. I was not always
loving, I used to be a bitter, angry, and sometimes even violent person.
I was not always a father, even though my sperm helped to create a life
nearly 16 years ago, I never felt worthy of my son! I always wanted to
be a father to my son, but I was too afraid! You see I was molested by
my dad...and he supposedly loved me, so how could I be sure that I would
not do the same to my child?? I could not be sure so I chose to be an absent
father, never meeting my son until he was 14 years old! I missed the best
part of my son's life because I could not take the chance that I would
be the same kind of monster that my dad was, what a loss!! Do I know now
that I am not the monster that my dad was? YES!! I know that I could never
hurt someone as I was hurt, I know it now, but those years of my son's
life can never be gotten back. Do you have to suffer the same loss that
I suffered? NO!! How can you keep from losing what may be the most important
things in your life? You can find someone to help you out of the darkness
of abuse, someone who will help you to heal your inner child. Where do
you find someone like this? Well...if you can relate to my story...you
can e-mail me and I will do my best to help you find out who you are before
you lose more of yourself. I look forward to getting to know you as the
special person that you are!
|This space reserved for the next Recovery Buddy!